My friend and three of her adorable daughters came over yesterday to borrow things for the 4th daughter's bridal shower. We had the best time "shopping" in my caterer's stash of equipment. We gathered 30 cobalt blue plates purchased at the 100 yen store in Tokyo (no kidding, like the Dollar Store here!), 30 blue and white patterned teacups, tart pans in every size and shape, white and blue tablecloths, sugar cubes decorated with flowers, tiny teapot shaped place card holders, glass pitchers, and ornate silver serving pieces. There was much oohing and aahhing and a little squealing (that might have been me.)
When one of the girls mentioned that she was making little tarts, I dug deep into the cabinet and pulled out an oblong metal box labeled Teeny Tiny Tart Pans. When I opened the lid and displayed the contents, there was a hush. Inside were indeed "teeny tiny tart pans" - some with fluted edges, some square, some long pointy miniature boat shaped, all neatly stacked and waiting for filling. There were also wax paper liners, all purchased from the cookware section of Tokyo known as Asakusabashi. I was instantly transported back to Japan: remembering nervously clutching the English subway map, trying to match up stops; getting off the subway and wandering around, poking into each little shop, filled with every gadget and cooking utensil you could imagine, and lots more that you hadn't thought of; agonizing as to how much I could spend and what I had room to store.
I didn't make the teeny tarts that often - they are wicked time consuming and fiddly - but I love those little pans. I loved displaying the finished product filled with berries or lemon curd at a tea I did at the US Ambassador's house for the Japan America Women's League. I loved the feeling of potential and accomplishment in knowing I could crank them out if I had to. I loved the absence of fear and doubt which seems to hover over me these days - I want to brave again! I want to navigate foreign subways and respond to a request for tea for 150 with an, "Absolutely. What date?"
I don't want to cater again, however. I didn't get to be 90 pounds overweight swallowing an excess of air. Being around food 24/7 when I'm stressed or tired is not a good life plan. I'm grateful that I got to have my booming business here and in Tokyo but I don't wish I had it again.
Opening up that tin of tart pans reconnected me to a younger, braver, more confident version of myself. I'd like to find her again: Maria5.0, slimmed down and decidedly more mobile. And while I'm waiting for the Next Big Thing, I'm happy to share my tablecloths, my tart pans and my history - one recipe at a time.
