It's Just A Number

Yesterday, Weight Watchers told me I was too fat to work for them. This hurt my feelings a little, then I got kinda mad.  Since reaching my goal of losing 90 pounds, I had entertained the idea of working for WW as a leader for a while. It's how I lost my weight, I believe in the program, and I thought I'd be good at it. My favorite thing in the world is a room full of people who can't leave until I stop talking.  I knew there was a problem though: I weigh 15 pounds more than the top of the range they have for women my height.  
 They're having a job fair this weekend, so I filled out the online application and sent an email to the lady in charge. I explained my situation, that although I was over the desired weight, I was extremely fit. I went on to say that, while I could lose 5-6 pounds, I couldn't get to weight required or if I did, could not maintain it. I'm a big person. I'm a 12. And I'm wicked muscle-y. But I could get a doctor's note because my doctor and I picked this weight as a healthy one for me. 
 The woman called back with a few questions and was very nice but told me that I'd have to get to lose 15 pounds in order to lead a group. End of story. This hit me harder than I would have thought: for one thing, I was in Walmart, which makes me feel sad that I'm there anyway. But for a brief moment, I went to the Bad Place and heard: You're still too fat.  And this made me a little weepy. I got over that quickly because you know what? I'm not fat. At all. But when you've been fighting your weight pretty much your entire life and you lose 90 pounds and are very healthy,  you don't want to hear that you're still too fat, especially from someone who has never met you and is making a decision based on a number. 
Because that's all it is: just a number on a scale. It doesn't define who I am. And while it looks like it's going to prohibit this opportunity, it's way too arbitrary a thing to make a decision about someone. 
So you lose, Weight Watchers. Pun intended. 
Big picture? It's never easy when the universe tells you no.  Since I am a person of Faith, I believe that God has a different plan for me and it will be much better than the one I chose for myself. But I'm one of God's most difficult children and I always think he needs my input. Being a WW leader seems like such a good fit: I've been successful on the program, I love to help and inspire people, and I'd be wicked funny as a leader. 
So I'll try and be patient and be receptive for the next opportunity. I love my part time job and plan to keep on working there but I do feel a desire to be out in front of people, hopefully being funny but also being inspirational. I don't mean this to sound like I think I'm all that and a bag of (low fat) chips, as a friend used to say. I'm all about taking those first important steps to health. If I can't do that as a WW leader, there's another plan in place. I just don't know what it is yet. 
Today I'll celebrate feeling fit and healthy and rockin' another cute outfit. And I'll find joy in knowing I'm not in charge of the Big Plan but am an active participant in the Next Big Adventure.